Friday, December 5, 2014

If you care to choose..

God knows in how much dilemma i am right now.

On one side i can be this brilliant student and a scholar in an institute of repute.. and on the other i have to be a mother, and a daughter without having to compromise on the quality of the relationship. Managing a house is not a joke. Mom used to mention that, but now I know.

I cry.. at times silently at times boohooing at the top pf my voice so i can tell myself it's alright to be upset. But unless i pull on, ill be dead. So iv decided, im going try. Its really scary.. and i feel really lonely and horrified at the thought of having to manage everything. God knows, i can do with a big box of tissues as i type this. But i know i want to do this. And so badly!

While life does give everyone a chance, i dont want to give up without having put up a fight.. But im already so tired.. so scared.. so will i be able to do this? I do close my eyes and try to envisage that i can.. but its too faint to be a picture that i can keep to remind me again later. But it would be a shame if i do not.

Its better when there is only one thing to do.. and you have to do it.. theres no choice you see.. Its when you have a choice that you get so bloody confused!

If only i could see it.. If only there were a way ahead on the path that i choose! Fingers crossed.