In my quest to do something utterly intellectual I end up with things that are so mundane and archaic that my head splits with pain. There are some evident drops of guilt and disgust. Wish there were something.. even a vision of things that may be remotely close to what I secretly admire and dream of.. Weird is the fact that no one knows about it.... weirder still, they remain a secret to me too. Yet, at times of surreal moments of truth, I realize I have such a long way to go that it seems as if this journey is perennial. When I look up at other beings (my vanity, I must admit) I realize that it is an inexorable attribute of nature to pin us down as seemingly lesser mortals. Alas, if only I could point at nature alone for having conspired against me... for there is an existence beyond it that knows and acknowledges this and also plots against my vain existence.. waiting to entrap my mind which limps helplessly beyond what they call normal.. into profanity... as if dancing to the tunes of the one that stands in the shadows. Is it me, or does the silhouette actually look fiercely familiar to someone I know... or maybe used to? I don't think I want to know. Let me be here. In this dark room. When the time comes, and I have enough in my arsenal, I shall leap out. Oh what? You say it may be an ambush? Wait till you see how I ambush thee. Soon, I shall be out. Till then, let me be.
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